Tonight, papa is hosting a farewell dinner for me. Lady Windsor and Lord Linnelsby will be the hosts of Honor as they are my Auntie and Uncle. Unfortunately, I am orphaned due to the fact that my parents are dead because they died in a car that crashed before I can remember but not that long ago. I am a sad and only child, but most of the time I am just only and not so much sad.

My onliness has lead me to aquire several habits. One of them is to stop and look at the painting of my parents that hangs on the wall at the top of the master staircase. What is strange is that papa has told me he’s found me staring at the painting for hours on end, but I don’t remember. Another habit is that I chew off my finger nail tips, but only on the left hand. One more habit is that I tend to like documenting certain chosen observations in a journal (what you are reading now) while I continue to write my first great novel (which you will maybe read later or maybe it never got finished).

So if you don’t know already, papa is not my real papa but he told me we decided (though I don’t remember) that I should call him papa because otherwise “people will talk” and that would make trouble for me at my school, and trouble for him at the Bank. I call Lord Linneslby papa. I still call Lady Windsor auntie.

Maryanne is our head maid and she is mean but also nice. Right now she has sent her daughter to bathe me before dinner, so I can be ready for the guests. Papa and I also decided (though I don’t remember this either) that I was not to talk at all. We decided this not tonight but a long time ago. I hear people say that I can’t talk and I think its funny because really I CAN talk but its me and my papa’s little secret, and they wouldn’t understand anyway. Lucy-Belle is Marianne’s daughter and before she was a lot of the time very quiet, but after the 15th bath time (I counted), she started talking to me anyway even though I didn’t talk back. I know a lot about her now, and she has problems with her mother because she has been kissing with the boys and her mother doesn’t like it but I think she is a beautiful girl and I would also like to kiss her. But these things I try not to think about during the bath time because as you can imagine then I have my own problems, and for that I am shy.

I am fresh now, smelling very nice, and the feeling of my starched collar makes me feel good. I like the itch in my neck although before it drove me crazy.

I am walking down the Master staircase because everyone is waiting for me at the bottom. I have paid especial attention not to look at the painting of mama and papa because papa told me not to and it would be very bad if I went into one of my habits while everyone was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs and looking at me.

I don’t know why everyone always waits for me at the bottom of the stairs. It’s always like this when Papa and Auntie have a dinner party. The entry hall is full of people. I come down quietly. And when I reach the 15th step (about half way down), George always announces my name. I think it’s funny. But since I can’t talk, it is preferable that I do not laugh because papa spoke about it and he said so.

So I laugh inside. I laugh at the name “Sir William Randolph” as I come down the stairs and people start clapping. That’s my name and it makes people clap. It’s very  strange.

There are always other young children at these dinner parties, but I never sit with them. I sit on a platform where I have my own table and I look down at everybody else. And I eat in silence because I have to. Noone ever starts eating before I do and noone finishes eating before I do either. I am lucky because I have a papa who taught me how to eat at a table. I just think about the rules. And I eat. And I pretend not to laugh inside. And everybody on the outside seems so silly to me.